Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
