They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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