I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize