don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
