All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
