I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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