I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
