I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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