at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
