I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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