I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
