i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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