are you still at the devil's house?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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