what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
