It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
