did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
This house was built for laser tag.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
