we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I am naked and annoyed.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize