he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
