...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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