No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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