would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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