he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
