she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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