I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
