My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
