I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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