Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
