y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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