well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
