What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
