I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
