hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
