Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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