Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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