I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just want to make out with him forever
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
