Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
