She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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