I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
