Your dad touched me again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You ruined the universe
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
