Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
