I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
