Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
