69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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