I hate your face
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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