i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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