you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
