a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
