Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
