we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
