Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
