You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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