i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
