btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
