dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
