Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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