I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
