you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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