Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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