I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
