Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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