don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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