He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
