so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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