based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
