census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
