i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
