pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
