sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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