No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
