You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
