So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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