I cannot find my penis.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
