do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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