If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize