4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
