kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
