and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
