No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
