Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
