literally had 100 drinks last night.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
