Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
