Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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