We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
