I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just gift wrapped bread.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize