If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
