I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
