you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
