Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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