how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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