I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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