hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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