dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize