I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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