wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We are two peas in an std pod
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
