I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Your penis caused this!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
