She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
