That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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