Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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