Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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