I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
