Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize