If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
